harsh reality

It has been the most exciting and scariest summer yet. I have loved every minute of the city but come August 13, if I don't have a job I'm headed home. It's not that I don't love home. I miss it and I miss the people, but at the same time I can't do the work that I love there. Over the past few weeks I have been applying for jobs like crazy. Anything and everything I could find. Some dream jobs, so just jobs that would mean I could stay in the city, others that are not marketing but would let me work in other areas of the theater. It is funny because when you are in school they talk so big about how you can get a job if you intern a bunch or have all this experience and yet it still isn't enough. I also find it hard to think that someone has to get an idea of you from two sheets of paper. I don't know, I guess I just feel lost because for the first time in 23 years I don't have a class schedule to go to and being the planner that I am, I can't make any plans because of all the unknowns.

I don't really bring up my job searching much to my mom because I know she really wants me to come home or closer to home. She always talks about how she and dad moved to LA and how hard it was and I get that, but this is different. I am so much closer to home and I am in a city where so many people share my passion. I have friends here and more are moving up. I am not sure where it came from but tonight she brought up what I was planning to do. Couple that conversation with a lack of sleep and you get me crying on the phone as my mom talks about the reality I am dreading having to face. She mentioned that people keep asking what I was going to do and that it didn't matter that she didn't have an answer for them but that I really needed to think about things. Which let me tell you, I have done more than she knows.

It makes me made because I have applied for so many jobs that I am more than qualified for and I have all the experience that everyone at school made such a big deal about and it is getting me no where. A few minutes later my dad called. Where my mom was realty my dad was the voice of reason tonight. Sometimes he is a little harsh about reality, but tonight he knew just what to say, or just what I needed to hear. It was comforting to hear him tell me to just keep trying and when he came to visit we could talk things over. I am just hoping things will come together. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I know I want to work with the arts and even if I do go home, I want it to be with a few years experience here that will give me a leg up on the competition.